Max Tomlinson and the letter of complete and utter idiocy

Where to even begin? Do I start with Max Tomlinson’s letter to Dr Carol Ford? Do I start with the fact that he was fired quit after this letter?

Or do I start with the fact that Tomlinson is a knuckle dragging, unevolved ape of the highest order?

Dear Carole. (Well, at least he’s polite. I mean, he didn’t write, ‘Dear Carole, you crazy, equal rights opportunist’. Although, technically, he should have called her Dr. Ford. But I digress)

I have just read your pathetic piece in the Courier-Mail. While I generally ignore the bleatings of sourpusses like you, your piece was so depressing and negative that I was moved to find your email address and simply say: Get a life.

See, that’s funny, because *I* generally ignore the rantings of men who show misogynistic tendencies – like you, Tomlinson. But this was an opportunity too good to miss. Your letter was so foul, so vile, and so hideously close minded that I simply had to pounce on it. I, too, have found your email address. And your phone number. And even your Facebook profile. Except I have enough manners to not contact you through these methods. Yet.

The world would be a better place if people like you stood for political preselection and learned the hard way that ability is not measured by chromosomes.

The world would actually be a better place if people like you crawled back to the Dark Ages, where you could prop your feet up and proclaim to be the superior gender in peace. Even then, I bet that some serving woman would have spat in your food.

Question: Why don’t you have a go? Answer: Like most women, you probably don’t possess the necessary drive, determination and decisiveness that men innately possess. It’s not a personal criticism; it’s a fact of biology.

Funnily enough, I am now driven and determined to meet you, and place a swift kick in your balls. Men do not “innately possess” any more drive, determination or decisiveness than women. The odds are stacked against them by men like you from birth.

Where, for example, are the great female explorers, mountaineers, warriors, inventors, chefs? Blokes dominate most areas of human endeavour because Nature equipped them with something called testosterone. That was part of Nature’s grand design to enable men to be stronger, more fearless and more determined than their sisters. Sorry, Carole, fact not fiction.

Oh, come on. Every five-year old with internet access can answer this one. Female explorers? Check. Female mountaineers? Check. Female warriors? Check. Female inventors? Check. Female chefs? Check.

And as for your testosterone? Congratulations. You have a penis. I am most sincerely pleased for you. I can assure you, this was nothing to do with a ‘grand design’ – there was a 50% chance you would end up with one. I wish most fervently that in your next life, you come back as a woman. Because I fear that this is the only way you will understand what ‘equality’ truly means. Sorry, Max – fact, not fiction.

Women occupy a special but different place in the world to that of men. I’ve been married to a wonderful woman – a proud mother of four successful adult children, not a nuclear physicist – for nearly 40 years.

The only way I can answer this section is with an appropriate image:

 For yeras [sic], I’ve heard women like you ask my wife at cocktail parties, functions and dinner parties: And what do you do? The clear inference in the pregnant silence that follows my wife’s answer that she is a proud home-maker makes my skin crawl.

That’s ironic, because your tone is making my skin crawl, Max.

Women like my wife are the life-givers, the embodiment of sacrificial love (the purest form of love), the primary keepers of the flame of civilisation that separates us from the animal world, and yet the Sisterhood frowns on them for not joining the anti-male club that you so typefy.

GODDAMN. HE KNOWS ABOUT THE SECRET ANTI-MALE CLUB. Ladies, we’re going to have to change our password. “Penis haters” just isn’t subtle enough, I feel.

OF COURSE I’m not a life-giver, Max. I don’t necessarily want children at this stage! What bothers me more here is that YOU are potentially a life-giver. If you have reproduced, I just hope you haven’t passed your antiquated views on to your own children.

And stop flattering me about being the “primary keeper of the flame of civilisation that keeps us from the animal world [and] the embodiment of sacrificial love”. You can stick these comments up your arse, because it is your own animalistic, out-dated views that are keeping us from a more modern, evolved society.

The anti-male world of conspiracy theories in which you and the Sisterhood inhabit is the complete antithesis of the world in which positive women thrive. Women who can’t cut it in – what did you call it?, the boys’ club – can easily cover their inadequacies by claiming bias, sexism, misogyny, chauvinism etc. etc. ad infinitum. It’s so tiring to read such twaddle.

“The anti-male world of conspiracy theories in which you and the Sisterhood inhabit”? This sounds like an awesome theme park. I imagine there would be games of ‘pin the needle on the penis’ and endless renditions of singing “I will survive”, and the entire Annie Lennox back catalogue. Kind of like a hen’s night, but where we DESTROY THE PENIS, not celebrate it.

Ahem. However. Max? Positive women can thrive in any number of places. We’re kind of like flowers – if by flowers I mean like a cactus or a venus fly trap. We thrive despite men like you attempting to trample all over us, or cry out that we’re not “protecting the flame of civilisation”, or whatever such drivel you crapped on about earlier. We thrive not because of you, but despite you.

We even – shock, horror – THRIVE IN BOY’S CLUBS. We don’t cover our inadequacies by claiming bias. It’s been proven that bias exists. And guess who encourages and reinforces that bias? You, Max. It’s all you, and your middle-aged, sad little cronies.

Face reality, my dear. Smell the coffee. Try to turn your sour, negative, anti-male view of the world into something more positive and productive. Demonising men may be your life’s quest but fewer and fewer people are listening.

My dear? Excuse me? Carol Ford is a Doctor – who the fuck are you? A now-ex media advisor? And as turning her sour, negative, anti-male view into something more productive? I think Carol already achieved this when she got your hideously Stone Aged views published, and had you fired.

Demonising men isn’t anyone’s quest, Max. If you feel this way, then so be it. But feminists such as Carol and myself aren’t out to castrate you and string your balls up on the washing line. We’re out for equality. Which is even more scary for old-fashioned bigots like you.

I repeat: GET A LIFE.

Kind regards,


Max. It truly is you who needs to ‘get a life’. I think that’s fairly clear from this letter.

I shan’t bother singing off with a ‘kind regards’, because I don’t actually have any regards to send. Instead, I’ll sign off with this: I am simply going to wait and watch while your fusty, archaic views of the world rot . I will wait until more and more women such as Carol and myself speak up, and until you feel so outnumbered that you retire to your little home, and whine bitterly about how women these days are ‘too ambitious’, or ‘too loud’, or ‘behave too much like men’. And when this happens, I’ll laugh happily at the fact that you had the opportunity to change your mind, and you never did. Instead, you chose to be ignorant and close minded, and the world did not care, and it moved on without you.

5 thoughts on “Max Tomlinson and the letter of complete and utter idiocy

  1. well, at least now, out of him and his wife, she has a job to get on with! What a slimeball – if I was a man I would be embarrassed.

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