I hate people- especially during election time

This, to me, pretty much summarises what is wrong with people my age:

This was a real screen shot, taken from my real Facebook, no less than 5 minutes ago. On the day of the Victorian election.

I need to go and lie down. But first, I’m going to get a little shouty. Gird your loins and hold onto your keyboards, people.

YOU DON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT PARLIAMENT?????? WHY???? If you don’t like them, VOTE AGAINST THEM, you fucking nincompoop!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And as for you backwards friend calling the Government a waste of time? TRY NOT HAVING A GOVERNMENT, BUDDY!!!!!!! Go and talk to the people in China about the THRILLS of internet censorship, or  talk to the people Afghanistan about what is was, and is like, living during and after the Taliban’s regime!!!!!!! THIS is what is liked to have either a corrupt government, or NO GOVERNMENT AT ALL, you backwards hillbilly.

The government in Australia CAN’T JUST DO WHAT THEY WANT because they ARE a Government. I’m not sure if you have ever heard of DEMOCRACY, but you are LIVING in a democratic society. Yes you, you dumb arse. And this means that we ALL GET A SAY, and we can overthrow the government for another one- LIKE WE DID IN 2007.

Trust me, if I had my way, people like you would not be living here. I would ship you off to somewhere that the government CAN just do what they want. I’d give you TWO DAYS before you’d be crying for good ol’ J to the Giz-wizzle to come and RESCUE you, because you can’t handle the concept of those nasty government employees taking your X Box and your. Let alone what they’d do to your wife, your girlfriend, you mother, you sister, your children, or your friends. You fucking nit wit.

Of course it matters how you vote, you thick headed bumpkins. If if didn’t, NO ONE WOULD BOTHER HAVING AN ELECTION. And as for leaving the voting paper blank, because you “just don’t give a shit”? Trust me, you’d give a shit if everyone did this, and you had to go back for Election # 2.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

If you genuinely don’t care, FINE. But you get what you deserve, in my opinion. Controversial, somewhat, but true.

The attitude of these people makes me wonder if certain people shouldn’t vote. That way, these dumbasses’ votes won’t cancel out my well-thought out, carefully planned one.

Kelloggs Nutrigrain: Iron Woman Food

I’ve discovered a whole new set of ads to get annoyed with. Gird your loins, people.

Nutrigrain. Since the dawn of time I’ve been hearing that Nutrigrain is ‘Iron Man Food’. Great. Congratulations. But what about the Iron Woman Food? Or wait. Do we only get cakes and tea?

It’s bullshit. In fact, this entire ad is bullshit:

Let’s analyse, shall we?

Mum’s sending her young son off to life saving for the day. Living the Australian dream, aren’t they? No sign of Dad, but then again, Dad has more important things to do than drive the kids around anywhere- and besides, why tug at every single father’s heartstrings? It’s MUM that does the shopping, people.

Cue the ‘montage’ scene. Lots of hard work, thematic music, struggles and triumphs. Or, um, you know: just a lot of swimming and chin ups.

Look, Nutri Grain makes kids grow up super fast. It must be all those artificial colours and flavours working their magic!

It’s all his friends! They’re ALL GUYS, all training together. Girls aren’t allowed to be lifesavers, because someone needs to be rescued, eh? Aren’t I right, fellas?

Suddenly, our hero is MASSIVE!!! (Does anyone else find it creepy that we’re invited to perve on him when he was a mere boy not 10 seconds ago?)

And it was all thanks to Mum. And her disturbingly 1950′s haircut.

You know what annoys me about this ad? There isn’t ONE GIRL in sight. There’s a brief, .5 second glimpse of what could POTENTIALLY be a girl running through the surf, but that’s it. Apart from good old Mum, there’s not a female in sight. And we have male, male, male, male, male…all training to be Iron Men. Where are the Iron Women, people?????????????????????

And that isn’t even the worst of it. This is:

The voiceover? “Boys need protein for growth and muscle development…..so as part of a balanced diet and exercise, Nutri Grain has what it takes to build you son into an Iron Man…Nutri Grain: Iron Man Food.”

….Oh, gee. I’m sorry. I didn’t realise that females clearly DON’T HAVE MUSCLES OR GROW. Clearly we DON’T NEED PROTEIN to help us develop. Oh, and silly me. As if I want to be an Iron Man. Apparently I CAN’T BE AN IRON WOMAN. I’ll just go over and here make some tea, shall I?

Judge Judy is not happy, Kelloggs:

Fuck you, Nutri Grain. You can stick your growth and development UP YOUR ARSE, for failing to mention that perhaps GIRLS also need to grow. Us mere females will just sit over here quietly and SEW, SHALL WE?!?!? That is, until you need us to POUR CEREAL INTO A BOWL for the boys.

Fuck you, Kelloggs. You’re doing it wrong.

Oh, and Kelloggs? Iron Man *this*

Not another motherf******* stain!

Don’t worry, kidlets, I haven’t forgotten you. I’ve simply been in self-enforced hibernation, due to work and study. I know, I know- it’s just not good enough.

But all this will change shortly. Mostly because my FAVOURITE Napisan ad is now finally on Youtube:

I especially love the part where Mum FREAKS THE FUCK OUT because Dumb Dad was silly enough to put on a shirt that has a stain on it. Holy moley.

Anyway, shall we have a play-by-play of this 30 second mind fuck? I say yes. Let’s begin.

Mum’s organising the kiddies and her Mere Male into a pretty pose for their pretty picture. Look at the perfect nuclear family! But Mum is unaware that disaster is ABOUT TO STRIKE. What will it be?!?!?!?!!?!?

“Hang on…that’s not…but I USED DETERGENT, MOTHERFUCKER!!!!”

*Husband grins. He’s remembering the hot dog with mustard he had for lunch that caused that stain. Mmmmm, hot dog.*

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVDEUQVJLNMCXEFWDCUHJX.”

*click*
(As a side note, what sort of a photographer takes one photo? And also, hasn’t this bitch heard of Photoshop. Its capabilities certainly extend to eliminating a stain on one’s shirt, I can guarantee that.)
*cue patronising Napisan lady, or as I like to call her, Napi-Girl)
“A hidden stain”, she says. “What a shame.”
No, Napi-Girl, I’ll tell you what’s a SHAME. The shame is all about the Third World countries, poverty, starvation, honour killings, and discrimination. That’s a shame. A stain on some dude’s shirt. NOT A SHAME.
Slight exaggeration I think, Napisan.
But please, continue with your monologue- it was just so….diverting.
“All that time and effort wasted. Washing….”
“….drying……”
“….ironing…”
“While you could have been receiving a good spanking from your husband…..”
“…all in vain…”
(Oh, okay, fine. I made the spanking bit up. But don’t tell me it didn’t break up what has to be the most predictable set of images in history!!!)
“Detergent alone isn’t always enough!!”
*cue the Napisan packet that appears to have been dipped it something radioactive, it’s glowing that brightly*
“…This wouldn’t have happened if you had added Vanish Napisan!”
Ahhhhhh. The perfect family picture. Not a stain in sight.
My response to this?
Lady, why the fuck isn’t your husband doing some of the washing, drying, and ironing???????????????
That’s all, folks.