How to cure a feminist

It appears I’m serving up a larger-than-usual dose of feminism lately, and this post is no exception.

I came across the following image a few years, and was outraged then as I was now. Except back then, I hadn’t quite perfected my ability to insult an individual or a company in such an articulate manner. Back then, I probably would have called the people at Maxim “knobs” or “dick heads” and have moved on.

Now? Now, I’ll quite happily call the people who invented this particular article a pack of festering, feeble-minded, crap eating apes.

See? This is what five years of university gets you. An ability to insult people in an eloquent manner (as a side note, hi Mum! I promise, I really *am* educated! Really!)

But in all seriousness, the illiterate, weak-minded people at Maxim must have realised what a drivelling pile of crap they were serving up. Or perhaps not. Seriously, how to cure a feminist? Because clearly Maxim magazine and its readers have SUCH A HUGE insight in the depths of the female mind? And of course, they know the ins and outs of the ENTIRE feminist debate, so they are well equipped to pass judgements on its campaigners?

Way to be a bunch of fuck wads, Maxim.

Now, let’s break this down. Maxim (along with many others) have succumbed to stereotypes. In particular, they have bought in to the Patriarchal Mind Fuck. This is what I call the stereotypes that exist about feminism. You know, the idea that all feminists don’t shave their legs, wear combat boots, are lesbians, and want to cut off ALL THE PENISES. Excluding the fact that this is next’s month’s topic at my Feminist Meeting (sarcasm, people, sarcasm) this is entirely wrong.

Anyway. I have taken upon me to reverse this particular situation. Ie, “How do you turn Maxim’s version of A Babe into a Raging Feminist?”.

Step One: Get the lady out of the lingerie. Remind her that she doesn’t exist on this earth to please men. And ask her how comfortable that g-string actually is. Ask her how comfortable that ridiculous hip-thrusting pos actually is. Anything to remind her that it’s okay to not always be “sexy”.

Step Two: Introduce her to the idea that women and men deserve to be equal. I know. It’s a shocking concept.  Consider mentioning the pay gap, and the fact that, on average, she’s getting paid 15% less than her male colleagues.

Step Three: Open her eyes to all the other inequalities in the world. Throw everything at her. Female circumcision. Maternity leave. Sexist advertising. Pro choice arguments. Victim blaming in rape cases. Domestic violence cases. Body image perceptions. Give it everything you’ve got. Show her exactly what makes up a feminist – young, old, male, female, gay, straight, bisexual, asexual, Caucasian, Asian, African-American, Latino, Aboriginal, and everything else in between. Break every single goddamn stereotype you can think of. Heck, go crazy and shave your legs in order to demonstrate to her that feminists CAN DO THIS.

Step Four: Remind her that the Maxim article was correct – well, one tiny sentence is correct. A feminist IS just like every other woman. She’s as equal as every other woman. She’s no better or worse for shaving her legs, or wearing combat boots, or kissing boys or kissing girls or heck – not kissing anyone!

Yours in eternal pissed-off-ness,

xxxx