This ad is a strong contender for the Worst Ad of the Year. It reeks on every level of sexism, objectification, and general stupidity. Not to mention it looks like it was designed by a bunch of snotty, sniggering 15 year olds.
However. We here at YADTW do not discriminate between the unwittingly bad and the deliberately terrible ads- instead, we will metaphorically castrate the lot of them before throwing them back into the dog house. So, without further ado, let us begin:
So many questions…
DO I have a weak bite? DOES it prevent me from enjoying man food?
Clearly, I DO have a weak bite. Just like this guy. And like him, I also have to walk around licking an ice cream and wearing teddy bear floaties. It was alright up until those floods. Then everyone started thinking I was an alarmist. The social embarrassment factor has been THROUGH THE ROOF.
But fear not! Maxibon have a designed a, uh, CHEW TOY (how very manly. A freakin’ chew toy) to build up my chindominals and jawceps (yes, those are technical terms) and I will be transformed into a BITING GOD. Just like this guy:
(As a side note, I’m not sure if being a biting god is a good thing. Especially if you’re in the hooker industry. Which, for the record, I am not. But just sayin’…you’d only be useful when someone needed some nuts cracked, in my opinion)
Additionally, Maxibon appear to have a fondness for the word “man”. how many times can they say “man” in a sentence. Three times? Five?
“The man choc, man biscuit and crunchy man nuts make for one freakin’ manly manwhich, man. And that’s why you need manchew.”
Seven. Of COURSE. How could I forget about the MANWHICH and the MAN NUTS?!
See? Even the token ‘hot babe’ was shocked that I forgot about the man nuts! How could I?!
And Maxibon have actually demonstrated that chewing on a dog toy has links to “spikes in testosterone”. They even have charts and shit, people!
Someone should really tell this to those AMI penis people- that way, we can have a bunch of dudes simultaneously nostril snorting and chewing. Excellent.
Maxibon also helpfully suggest that I “man chew at home, man chew at work, and man chew for two!”. Excellent! So much chewing for me to do!
I can just imagine now what happens when I bust my man chew toy out at work.
My boss: “What are you doing?!”
Me: “WHUFJKEMDSX” *slobbers*
My boss: “You’re insane. You’re also fired.”
Finally, Maxibon has decided to advertise that they “have a reserve stash of man chews that they found in a warehouse somewhere”. How very precise. A warehouse ‘somewhere’. But they don’t want these man chews going to just “any old lickers”. Oh no. Only the “worthy” lickers. Ladies and gentlemen, it’s my moment. I can now get the jawceps I was destined for.
And then I can pick up these lay-dies (even though they look like a bunch of lickers to, I’m cool with that… *wink wink, nudge nudge*) and go do ‘manly stuff’. Then I’ll chew on my manly chew toy for 10 minutes every day. AND. IT. WILL. BE. JAWSOME!!!!!!!!!!!